So, my parents have come and gone and I have been left reeling in their wake once again. As expected, they arrived Thursday evening. Friday my mother met her friends for lunch while Dad met with his client (the reason for the trip) and then the rest of their day was free. Because of my desire to "do the right thing" I texted her that I hoped she had fun and that if she wanted to, they could come over in the evening as John and I would be home. She texted back "yes, it will be great to see them again." I heard nothing further until almost 6pm when she called and asked if it was ok if they stopped by on their way back from the shore. I told her of course it was. They arrived 45 minutes later and stayed very briefly. She made a show of hugging John, who seemed quite underwhelmed. I showed them around the house and she deemed it "nice." They left, I put John to bed, and then I just sat in silence.
On Saturday they came for lunch and my sister came over with her two kids. Things were so strained and awkward between my parents and their grandchildren. It was painfully obvious that they are essentially strangers. My parents of course brought their neurotic dogs and brought them into the house where one of them very quickly bit John on the hand. It didn't break the skin but it scared him. My mother of course blamed it on John and said he was "after her." I was in the kitchen and didn't see it happen but he spoke up and said "no, I was just trying to pet her." He probably scared her and she was in a strange place so I don't really blame the dog but my mother's attitude upset me. After that, they put the dogs in the car and obsessively checked on them every few minutes.
Lunch was that special kind of awkwardness where you can feel the tension in the room. My mother's camera battery died so I was instructed to take pictures of her with her "babies" and email them to her. The pictures speak volumes; she is focused on the camera and the kids look bewildered and uncomfortable. My sister had to work so she left soon after lunch and my parents left at the same time to "relax at the hotel with their dogs." They were planning to leave Sunday morning but my dad was so eager to leave that they packed up and left at 1am.
While they were here my mother said that my dad was going to be getting another client and they would be coming back in June. I said it would be nice if they made it around John's birthday and could come to his party. She said that they would try if it worked out that way. A few days after they left she emailed and said Dad wouldn't be pursuing that client and they didn't want to make another trip so soon. So they will not be coming for John's birthday. Shocking. I have been let down by them so many times it shouldn't come as a shock anymore but when it involves John it still upsets me. He deserves better. My MIL wants to spend every moment she can with John and can't believe my mother doesn't.
I am trying to get back to the calm I had achieved before their visit but it has been very difficult. Things have been stirred up inside of me and I am struggling. I have once again allowed myself to entertain thoughts of how things "should" be and the reality of how things are contrasts so strongly with that. I am hurt by their rejection of John yet I am relieved that they will not be coming again next month. I am having a hard time and I think I may need to discuss with my new doctor the possibility of beginning some anxiety and/or depression medication. I'm not thrilled with that prospect but the truth of the matter is that this just may be too difficult to deal with on my own.
